CUNTstitutional rights

cunt, women's rights, human rights, feminism, humour, words, reclaiming words, OED, history, English Literature, English Language

My rights as a woman stem from having the agency to do what I please with my body, and that includes what I choose to call my vagina.

If I were American, you could call this my CUNTstitutional right.

While I know that most of my friends despise the word “cunt”, personally, it’s one of my favorites.
cunt, women's rights, human rights, feminism, humour, words, reclaiming words, OED, history, English Literature, English LanguageAs the wise Timone and Pumba once exclaimed:

“Thought of changing my name!” “Oh! What’s in a name!?”

Why should I have to filter the names that I would like to call MY body parts?

Surely, there are plenty of more disturbing nicknames for the vagina than the one syllable, four letter word, cunt.

Why do people hate the word “cunt” so much anyway?

cunt, women's rights, human rights, feminism, humour, words, reclaiming words, OED, history, English Literature, English Language


It’s short and sweet, to the point, and quite descriptive! Although part of my love of the word comes from the ridiculous offence that people take from it, I need to find out the literary and cultural history of cunt, because doing so will clear the air on why the word is used so negatively today. My hope is to combat the negative connotation by digging it up from the root like a rotten radish, and unveiling what it could be!

I took to the Old English Dictionary to see where cunt came from.

The first definition was similar to how the word is used today because it defines cunt as the “female external genital organs” cunt, women's rights, human rights, feminism, humour, words, reclaiming words, OED, history, English Literature, English Language(OED). The first time that this word was used this way was in C1230, when it was used to name Gropecunt Lane, a street in London that was characterized by prostitution. The next occurrence of the word that I find most interesting is in D. Lindsay’s Satire Proclamation 144, where he notes, “First lat me lok thy cunt, Syne lat me keip the key”. Reading the passage out loud helps one find that meaning of it. Basically, the narrator wants to lock [the person he is talking to]’s vagina up, possibly desiring to keep it for himself, or to preserve her purity.

In the 1600’s, the meaning of the term evolves into “a comb”, which is strange, and I’m not sure where to go with that one… Sooooooo…. moving on.

The use of cunt as a term of vulgarity and abuse towards a woman began turning up in the first half of the 1900’s.

In 1929, the works, “Middle Parts of Fortune I. viii. 159” by F. Manning, use the word in this manner:
cunt, women's rights, human rights, feminism, humour, words, reclaiming words, OED, history, English Literature, English Language“What’s the cunt want to come down ‘ere buggering us about for, ‘aven’t we done enough bloody work in th’ week?”.
So, at this point, the term goes from describing a prostitute, or a space where they reside, to a comb, and then it was used to verbally abuse a woman (ie. calling her a whore), which is where it tends to stand today. Surprise Surprise! Yet another negative gesture towards women has been at a standstill for almost a century. Pathetic, really.

The last definition of the word cunt in the OED, is my personal favourite!

In fact, I’m going to cunt, women's rights, human rights, feminism, humour, words, reclaiming words, OED, history, English Literature, English Languagestart using this in my daily life! The usage is “cuntstruck”! Am I the only one who started singing ACDC’s “Thunderstruck” immediately after reading the word?
The presence of this term is prominent in Romance novels of the late 17th century. My favourite use of the word is from Sala’s “Harlequin Prince Cherrytop”, where the narrator says, “Changed from the gorgeous king to a buffoon, Be weak-kneed, cunt-struck, fucked-out Pantaloon”. What is even more interesting (even hilarious), is that this play is a pantomime, which is a family-friendly play that was usually performed during Christmas time. It was meant to be an outing where families would spend time together and sing along to the music in the play. Could you imagine?! A bunch of modestly clad children, bonnets and all, singing “cunt-struck” and “fucked-out pantaloon”?! Absolutely wonderful!

The infamous Juliet once asked,

“What’s in a name? that which we call a rose
 By any other name would smell as sweet” (Romeo and Juliet act II scene II).

cunt, women's rights, human rights, feminism, humour, words, reclaiming words, OED, history, English Literature, English LanguageShowing that a name is not what is important, it’s what is inside that counts (D’awww, how sweet!), Shakespeare is perfect reason for why calling my vagina a cunt shouldn’t be such a big deal. In fact, I’m cunt-struck over the word cunt. While the history of the word has had its negative connotations, it’s time for this rotten radish to be shoved back into the dirt and used as a seed to grow something new!

While I understand the violence that words can create, I also understand the power they have to do something great.

No one can make the world stop saying the term, and I hope people continue to use cunt, women's rights, human rights, feminism, humour, words, reclaiming words, OED, history, English Literature, English Languageit, so why not use that to our advantage? The term “cunt-struck” has me connecting “cunt” to “love” or even “star” (ie. lovestruck and star struck).

Twinkle, twinkle, little cunt…

I mean, really, if “cunt” referred to a comb in the 1600’s, I don’t see why it can’t be a star now!

Thanks for reading my work, you glorious cunts!

Disney Princesses are Vaginas.

Aristotle, sex, sexuality, Disney, Disney Princess, Vagina, Vaginas.

I’m Aristotle, and I think that women are inferior because they don’t have dicks.

Aristotle claims that, “the female is a female by virtue of a certain lack of qualities. […] [W]e should regard the female nature as afflicted with a natural defectiveness” (The Second Sex).

I’m sure if I took this to the local pub in my hometown, there would be a majority in favour Aristotle’s ridiculous statement. Although this is completely problematic, Aristotle’s definition of a woman as lacking a penis, or simply by having a vagina, has me thinking about the ways women represent vaginas in popular culture. More specifically, popular culture that is dominated by Victorian views, such as Disney. Some serious pondering has brought me to believe that Disney Princesses, such as Cinderella, Ariel, and Pocahontas, are personifications of vaginas. These characters represent the ways in which vaginas should operate in the eyes of Victorians.

Aristotle, sex, sexuality, Disney, Disney Princess, Vagina, Vaginas.

That jealous cunt ripped by dress!

Both Cinderella and the vagina are neglected and harmed when a man is not there to protect them.

When her father dies, Cinderella is left under the so-called care of her evil stepmother. Cinderella’s relationship with her stepmother is one full of violence, hate, and jealousy on her stepmother’s part. Without the protection of her father, Cinderella becomes nothing but a victim. She is kept locked away for no one to enjoy her, and forced to endure the unpleasant chores of the household. Similarly, when a vagina no longer has a male protector, it is vulnerable to this violence and loneliness.

As for companionship, Cinderella can only become friends with mice, birds, and a fairy godmother, who comes and goes as she pleases.

A pussy hanging out with mice and birds? What an unlikely pairing.

Aristotle, sex, sexuality, Disney, Disney Princess, Vagina, Vaginas.

Only gross little rodents want to be my friends…

The rodents are friends, yet Cinderella can’t possibly have anything in common with them; thus, they have little meaning aside from showcasing Cinderella’s hopelessness because she doesn’t have a man. The fairy godmother’s short, yet constant visits, are similar to a woman’s menstrual cycle. Surrounded by animals, the fairy godmother’s visits are reminders to Cinderella that she is a hopeless woman. Cinderella and the vagina are represented as lonely and helpless without a man or a penis to protect and pleasure her.

Aristotle, sex, sexuality, Disney, Disney Princess, Vagina, Vaginas.

I’m not quite a human, so I’m only friends with rodents of the sea!

Much like Cinderella, Ariel’s only friends are fish and bottom feeders who she can’t completely relate with, and they show her how hopeless she is.

Her father is over protective, under affectionate, and doesn’t let Ariel explore the world. In attempts to find love and fill the void in her imagination, Ariel collects objects. This teaches that, whether it is a sex toy, or another body part, when a vagina is physically neglected by a penis, it desires arousal from something that mimics a penis. This both neglects the bond a woman has with herself when she masturbates, as well as the entire population of lesbians and other non-hetero women on the planet!! Is it SO obscure that maybe a woman simply wants to be alone or with another woman? It is to Disney!

Aristotle, sex, sexuality, Disney, Disney Princess, Vagina, Vaginas.

I love stuff.

Ariel was a hoarder because her father didn’t give her the love she needed, nor did her let her fly the coup. Textbook case.

Instead of collecting cats and rabbits, Ariel collects “thing-a-ma-bobs” and “whos-its”, and surprise surprise, she still isn’t satisfied. It isn’t until Ariel finds the love of her life, Eric, that she is satisfied. And we must not forget that she obtained his love, only because she gave up the trait about herself that she loved the most, her voice. Once again, Disney shows that one can only find love if they sacrifice their passions for another’s. Bringing this back to vaginas, as Ariel’s fins were abnormal and prohibited her from finding love, if a woman’s vagina carries traits that don’t measure up to today’s vaginal beauty standards, finding love becomes both a battle between the self and the other. Vaginas have it rough! They can’t buy the latest foundation from Sephora and manipulate their imperfections; their flaws are raw and obvious.

You can’t have a discussion about neglected vaginas without mention of the Indigenous vagina.

Pocahontas, the personification of the vaginal conquest, is arguably the most problematic princess of all. Like her Princess counterparts, Pocahontas doesn’t have a mother figure, has rodents for friends because she can’t connect with other women, and she leaves the constraints of her family, only to find a man. This story romanticizes Indigenous women’s vaginal history, when in reality, women’s vaginal history in general (Indigenous, White, Asian, African, Hispanic, etc), is a history of rape, neglect, and secrets.

Aristotle, sex, sexuality, Disney, Disney Princess, Vagina, Vaginas.

Pocahontas represents the vaginas of colonization.

The story teaches that Indigenous vaginas must seek non-Indigenous (preferably White), men to conquer it, and then create non-Indigenous offspring (the basic concept of assimilation). The Indigenous vagina must be a hunter (because that’s what “indians” do), but it must be passive (because that’s what women do).

All of the Disney princesses are represented by neglect and desire for a man or a penis.

When the Disney princesses are compared to vaginas and the daunting, overhanging, phantom of Victorian sexuality, the fog clears, the sun rises, and it becomes apparent that these stories are teaching children heteronormative practices (ie. Man+woman=love, women need men for protection, a woman’s place in within the home), and that a bird in the hand beats two in the bush, which are both unacceptable. Essentially, all of these Disney stories are the same stories over and over again. They are stories of neglect, finding kinship in rodents, and an adventure that is fueled by finding a man. The vagina is rendered to a lonely, static, dependant entity, when in reality, it is actually dynamic and self-sustainable.

Service Industry Sexual Innuendos

sex, sexual innuendos, service industry, waitress, barista, customer service.Blame it on my 14 year-old boy sense of humour, but I absolutely adore sexual innuendos!
I have been in the customer service industry for over eight years, so I have come in contact with just about every so-called funny guy or gal that is out there.  Working in an ice cream shop, comments about Popeye, having one muscular arm, and questions about whether or not my one arm is getting tired, were daily occurrences.  Working in restaurants, there were always comments being made about my physical appearance.  Finally, in coffee shops, people made jokes about certain roasts, foam consistency, and I’m sure you get the picture.  So far, the sexuality in my time in the service industry is exacerbating with time, and coming from alternate directions.
(I use a word with a negative connotation, like “exacerbate”, because I acknowledge that sexuality in the service industry is most often a product of sexual harassment).

I argue that the service industry is crawling with sexuality, both hidden and obvious.  People, including myself, are obsessed with sex and sexuality.  So much so, that they bring it into everyday conversation without even noticing.  Some of the information below is some that could only be understood by those in the industry, but I’ll try my best to explain.  Furthermore, some of these examples are industry secrets, of which I am SPILLING THE BEANS!

sex, sexual innuendos, service industry, waitress, barista, customer service.One of the most obvious sex-present sphere in the service industry, aside from rub n’ tugs and strip clubs, is in the restaurant industry.  If restaurants were a celebrity, they’d be Holly Madison;  they’re overtly sexy for the right price, leaving little to imagination.  Sexual comments directed at me during my time in restaurants were 70% sourced from my superiors, and 30% sourced from customers.  For example, dress code consisted of short shirts, 4-6 inch heels, and boobie shirts.  Cleavage was also a major asset, so girls plumped up their B cups to look like C cups, and lowered those v-necks for the love of money!  It was due to this dress code, that customers felt obligated to comment.  Now that I think about it, there aren’t really many sexual innuendos in restaurants after all… Rather, there is just, flat out, SEX.  Like the reality television star and playmate, sexuality in restaurants is more problematic than funny, and it is never interesting for more than 10 minutes. So, cut to commercial break!

sex, sexual innuendos, service industry, waitress, barista, customer service.Now, unlike the restaurant industry, which proves to be full of sexuality with a simple glance, coffee shops are JUST as sexual, but less obvious.  Coffee shops are like the Natalie Portman of the service industry; they are super sexy, yet keep their sexuality to themselves in attempts to make people not notice it, but PEOPLE NOTICE!
When Starbucks came out with their Blonde Roast coffee, I knew right away what was coming (I’m a blonde, if you didn’t know).  I quickly realized, that this new Blonde Roast, paired with Starbucks’ cup sizes, opened up a whole new can of worms.

Can I get a short blonde?

Can I get a tall blonde, please?

And, low and behold, it was always the pervy old men that felt the need to add a smirk or even a wink. Gross.

When it comes to the debit machine, there are many sexual innuendos. Who would have thought that an electronic payment system could behold sexuality? Apparently a lot of people!

sex, sexual innuendos, service industry, waitress, barista, customer service.

Strip down, facing me, please!

My personal favourite!

Just stick it in the bottom.

Another one that makes me giggle. I’ll be the first to admit that my sense of humour is slightly immature.

A sexual innuendo that is unique to me occurred when I was first hired at a Vancouver Starbucks. Awkward Ally, with the inability to be flirty, asked for the order of a young, good looking, regular. He ordered oatmeal, and, bending to grab him a utensil, I asked:

Wanna Spoon?

Now, this wouldn’t have been so embarrassing if I had just left it at that. Unfortunately, I can be painfully awkward, and I added,

Uh… Um… Uh… I mean… Would you like…a spoon?

At this point, my face was tomato-red. Needless to say, I brought that one on myself. How embarrassing.

sex, sexual innuendos, service industry, waitress, barista, customer service.The service industry is an infinity pool at a single’s resort: An everlasting hovel of sexuality that needs a serious filter.

God Save The Queef: The Cultural Origin and History of Vaginal Flatulence

Unknown-1uring a late night conversation with a Spanish-speaking friend, I learned that there is no Spanish word for ‘queef’.  A queef, “the sound of air escaping from the vagina during or after intercourse” (Morton, 183), is slang for vaginal flatulence.  Since, “queefing is totally normal”, as Roshini Rajapksa notes (84), it has to be a common occurrence in women’s sex lives.  After prompting my friend for a possible explanation, she confirmed that the Spanish language’s lack of a word for ‘queef’ is because “they don’t need to talk about it”.

Why is much of the world repressing a natural, harmless waft of air?

This suppression of a biological component to sexuality has had me thinking about the origin, history and cultural significance of queefing ever since.  I must get to the bottom on this!

images-2The word ‘queef’, also known as a vart, pussy fart, vaginal noise, and an Air Jordan, originates in Scotland and England as far back as 1617, when it meant, “an inhalation of tobacco smoke” or “a puff” (Oxford English Dictionary, 2012).  Interestingly, by 1686, although less frequently than the previous definition, ‘quiffing’ meant, “sexual intercourse, esp. had with or by a prostitute” (Oxford English Dictionary).  Ah Ha!  These definitions of the word, then, make up our current, slang term for vaginal flatulence.  Although, the meaning of ‘queef’ has changed slightly throughout 400 years—in the 1880’s, it meant an unorthodox trick, and in the 1890’s it was a popular hairstyle—from 1923 on, ‘queef’ has been relatively derogatory towards women.

The current, derogatory status of the word is baffling to me.  In attempts to find queefing in a positive light, I embarked on a mission to find as much information as I could about today’s queef.  My favorite modern day representation of the queef is queef painting.>
These French artists really showcase the queef in a positive, more beautiful light!  Queef art takes the queef away from being an accident, and moves it towards high culture and fine art (fine vart?).

images-1On a different note, the laughing in the Queef art video is almost impossible to overlook.  Although the queef is likened to fine art, I would be doing it a disservice if I didn’t discuss its comedic qualities.  Like its cousins, the fart and the burp, the queef is a bodily function that makes people laugh.  Now, farts and burps make people feel uncomfortable because of odors, which is why they’re funny.  The queef, on the other hand, is funny because of its surprise effect.  Out of the control of both people involved, the queef is a sneaky mouse that hibernates, grows, and multiplies until it can’t hide in the hole any longer.  Just when a couple is in a deep state of pleasure, gazing into each other’s eyes… insert preferred noise here… a squeaky, little creature scurries about.  The change in atmosphere and emotions is comical.  It just is!  Although it currently has a stigma attached to it, the queef is a bridge that connects passion and humour, which are two essential pieces to relationships.  The queef is a cultural chameleon; it is a work of art, a comedian, a biological occurrence, and a dynamic taboo!  Artsy, funny, smart, yet edgy?  Sounds like the perfect date!

queefWhile this is all peachy, unfortunately, a vast majority of what I have been finding about queefing is negative.  Questions like, “How can I stop myself from queefing?”, or “why a I queefing? This is so embarrassing!”, have been abundant in my research.  But why!?  Sure, it started off in a negative light, but what happened to the feminist strategy of reclaiming words?  Feminists have already done some reclamation of “bitch” and “cunt”, why not ‘queef’?  If you ask me, I think it is more about manners.  The vagina can’t talk, so maybe a queef is just a vagina’s way of saying thank-you!  I mean, you wouldn’t sit down at your grandmother’s dinner table, go to town on all of her delicious goods, get so stuffed that you can possibly take anymore, and not express your utmost appreciation, would you?  Of course not!  Putting all of this together, it seems only logical that the meaning of queef should evolve from an embarrassment, into a simple expression of gratitude.  “Could you pass the mashed potatoes please?”, “Queef you!”.

That settles it then.  A queef is not unorthodox, impolite, or crude; it upholds a vaginal tradition, and it is an expression of gratitude.  Doesn’t that make it moral?  Or honorable?  The Victorians should have been proud of a little queef!  It all goes with that old saying, “every time a vagina queefs, an angel get its wings”… or something like that.